You’ve entered your favorite dive bar, the place where the drinks are always a bit stronger than you expected, and the personalities are as vibrant as the neon signs flickering in the corner. You take your seat, the one you occupy almost every night of the week. The bourbon is flowing, but so are the egos. The dude on the next stool has a drink that’s definitely telling you more about him than he’ll ever admit—whether he’s eyeing you for a potential bar fight or just hoping you’ll buy him a drink. Here’s a look at the six types of dudes at the bar and what their bourbon choice says about whether or not you’ll be getting into a scrap by the end of the night.
1. The Guy Who Orders “Blanton’s” Neat and Makes Sure Everyone Hears It
What His Bourbon Choice Says:
Blanton’s is the holy grail of bourbon, beloved by whiskey nerds and Instagram influencers alike. The guy who orders Blanton’s doesn’t just know what he’s drinking; he wants you to know he knows. He’s the guy who has a collection of rare bourbons at home that you’ve probably never heard of. If he’s not talking about the whiskey itself, he’s going off about the craftsmanship, the barrels, and the subtle notes of vanilla you can’t quite identify but he insists are there. He’s wearing skinny jeans and a beard that would make Doc Holliday proud. And, for some reason, he’s also telling you about how he’s been to that distillery five times in the past year.
Will You End Up in a Fight?
Not physically—at least not unless you openly tell him you prefer a different bourbon. But mentally? Absolutely. He’ll talk circles around you about the “mash bill” and how only true connoisseurs can appreciate a bottle like this. If you happen to, God forbid, suggest that Blanton’s isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, get ready for an exhausting monologue on why your palate is clearly underdeveloped and how you’re missing out on the nuances. If you’re not careful, you’ll find yourself in a full-blown whiskey snob debate—prepare to leave with your self-esteem slightly bruised and your knowledge of bourbon expanded against your will.
2. The Guy Who Orders “Jack Daniel’s” with a Splash of Water
What His Bourbon Choice Says:
Jack Daniel’s with water says: “I’m not here to impress you; I just want to get drunk.” He’s the guy who drinks whiskey because it’s easy and accessible—not because he cares about the quality. It’s also probably the only whiskey he knows by name. But here’s the twist: he’s also wearing at least four pieces of Alabama gear. T-shirt, socks, hat, and don’t even ask about his ankle tattoo that says “Roll Tide“. He’s here for one thing—to make you care about Alabama football. And he’s going to make you listen.
Will You End Up in a Fight?
No physical punches, but there’s a real chance you’ll find yourself trapped in a college football debate that you never asked for. One casual mention of Auburn, and this guy will start laying down a dissertation on why the SEC is superior to all other conferences, followed by a spirited lecture on why Nick Saban is a genius. Your best bet is to nod and smile and pray he finishes his drink before you accidentally end up in a verbal brawl over who’s “real football royalty.” It’s not a fight you can win—but you’ll get worn down just the same.
3. The Guy Who Orders “Weller Antique 107” and Talks About His Car Like It’s a Religious Experience
What His Bourbon Choice Says:
Weller Antique 107 is a solid, higher-proof bourbon—a choice for someone who knows their stuff and isn’t afraid to spend a little extra for something a bit rarer. But this guy isn’t just drinking it for the taste—he’s drinking it to flex. And while he’s sipping, he’s going to tell you about his classic 1974 Camaro. Not the kind of “classic” you see at car shows, but the one he’s had since high school and still hasn’t fully restored. He’ll talk about how the engine’s “getting there” and how it’s going to outlive him—probably. In case you’re wondering, he absolutely wants to make sure you know how much work he’s done to it. Maybe he’ll even take you to the parking lot to show you after a couple of drinks.
Will You End Up in a Fight?
Not a physical one, but get ready for a serious mental sparring match that revolves around cars. If you even dare mention anything about a Ford, prepare for a lecture on why Chevys are “superior” to whatever piece-of-junk you might drive. There’s a good chance you’ll get drawn into a comparison of muscle cars that makes you wish you’d never talked about anything remotely related to cars. If you make the mistake of admitting you don’t know anything about Camaros, he’ll probably give you a pitying look before resuming his sermon about horsepower and horsepower efficiency. It won’t be a fight—but you might wish you had been hit by a car at the end of the night.
4. The Guy Who Orders “Bulleit Bourbon” Neat and Acts Like a Knuckle Dragger
What His Bourbon Choice Says:
Bulleit Bourbon is for the guy who doesn’t have to try hard, but still wants you to think he’s important. You’ll recognize this guy right away from his tribal tattoo peeking out both over the collar and under the pushed up right sleeve of his way too tight 5.11 Tactical polo. This guy’s either a cop, a retired cop, or likely one of those guys who was “attached to” special ops and can’t stop talking about it. And it’s not that he’s bragging—oh no, he’ll tell you in a casual, “I used to work with some guys who were in the field” way. Every story he tells is half-true and half-myth. He’s the guy who’s always “seen things” that you could never understand. He’ll mention his “old team” in ways that suggest he’s still carrying some deep, unspeakable wisdom from the field or from being “down range”, which might just involve how to take down a bad guy with a pen and a shoe.
Will You End Up in a Fight?
Not a real fight, but prepare for an emotional battle of “who’s seen more”. If you so much as suggest that his “tactical knowledge” is outdated, or if you dare to imply that your slightly different approach to life might be better—he’ll feel the need to remind you that “he’s been through hell” and has the battle scars (and stories) to prove it. If you’re not prepared for that kind of chest-thumping, you’ll quickly find yourself outclassed by his experience and his wisdom. Your best strategy? Don’t challenge him. Nod, sip, and pretend you’re equally bad-ass.
5. The Guy Who Orders “Wild Turkey 101” and Peaked in High School
What His Bourbon Choice Says:
Wild Turkey 101 is for the guy who lives life on the edge—and hasn’t really moved on from the edge since his glory days. He peaked in high school. He was the captain of the football team, or the guy who was always a little too drunk at parties. He’s still living in that moment, and ordering Wild Turkey 101 is his way of clinging to his “tough” image. Every night is a new version of “Varsity Blues” and still a high school party in his mind, plus he’s convinced that his stories from back then are more interesting than anything happening now. And the worst part? He still thinks he can drink more than anyone in the room, no matter how old he gets.
Will You End Up in a Fight?
You won’t be fighting over his drink choice, but you will end up in a contest of wills. If you’re not careful, he’ll challenge you to a drinking contest that he’s absolutely going to win. Why? Because he’s been practicing (probably for years). If you’re lucky, he’ll settle for a test of strength over who’s more of a man. There’s a good chance you’ll get sucked into an existential battle where he reminds you how great he was in high school, and then takes it personally when you don’t want to hear about how “back in his day, things were tougher.” He’s not physically threatening—but he’s the kind of guy who’ll drag you into a dumb fight just for the fun of it.
6. The Guy Who Orders “Old Grand-Dad 114” and Is Clearly Dealing With Something
What His Bourbon Choice Says:
Old Grand-Dad 114 is high-proof, no-nonsense, and unapologetic—just like the guy who drinks it. This isn’t a man who’s looking for subtlety. He’s drinking to forget something. He’ll tell you he’s “fine” as he takes long swigs, but deep down, you can tell something’s broken. This guy’s got problems. Maybe his wife’s been sleeping with his stepson again. Whatever the case, his life is a mess, and Old Grand-Dad 114 is his way of dealing with it. He’s got a chip on his shoulder the size of a bowling ball, and you better be careful about the kind of conversation you get into—because if you get too close to the wrong topic, the situation could go south real quick.
Will You End Up in a Fight?
Oh yeah. You don’t want to test this guy’s patience. If you say the wrong thing—or worse, make the mistake of asking him what’s really going on—he’ll get defensive fast. One wrong comment about his drinking, or his life, and suddenly you’re in a verbal brawl that might get physical. Old Grand-Dad 114 doesn’t mess around. And neither does this guy. Be careful—he’s the kind of guy who’s looking for an excuse to unleash the storm he’s been holding in for way too long.
Conclusion
So, there you have it: whether you’re enjoying a nice glass of Blanton’s or struggling to keep up with the Wild Turkey 101 guy, the bourbon choices at the bar are your first clue as to what kind of trouble (or drama) you might be walking into. Some guys are just here for a drink. Others? They’re here for a fight. And if you’ve learned anything, it’s that while you’ll absolutely want to crush the Blanton’s dude…Old Grand-Dad 114 might just be the guy you want to avoid—unless you’re really ready to throw down before heading over to Waffle House for the main event. Let’s face it, nobody really goes there until they are ready for a dust-up!
